Kind of still finding my voice

Well someone's fallen off the wagon really quick! Saw it coming a mile away, but not beating myself up about it. Here's what's happened between the first few posts and today --

- Stagnated so well that mosquitoes started sucking my blood when they were in their pupa stage (not at the egg stage, so there is still hope for me!)

- Life crumbled when one of our cat furbabies was diagnosed and succumbed to lymphoma in the span of 2 weeks.

- Puzzle piece count of the grief jigsaw has increased. It been deeply painful, maddening, confusing and frustrating while also being interesting and insightful at the same time. Quite ridiculous, if you ask me.

- Have managed to completely fall off my yoga pattern. Some credit is due though, with me trying to get moving with daily walks, which turned into daily jogs. But I've managed to fall off those too. Discipline, hello! Or, goodbye?

- Semi-clutching-at-straw with my meditation towards the tail end of the year. Lost my balls when lymphoma turned the corner, I still don't know anything about lymphoma or how to survive it. Lost my breath, lost my center, lost my ground, lost my heart. It doesn't matter how many deaths have passed, nothing prepares you for the next.

- Name the self-help / meditation / yoga / ayurveda book, I probably have at least heard of it. I know I have all the grease and energy to get this machine of a body (and mind) moving, I just need to sustain it because this start-stop-start business can be debilitating.

- Seen kindness in the least expected places, and been deprived of kindness in the places I expected to be given at least the benefit of the doubt. But I still come back to this. One Kind.

I've been damn one kind this year. I've been abundant, stripped, flourished, deprived, excited, uninspired. The balance is there, that's for sure. But the scales need to even out just a little more to make room for.. well. Kindness.