Consistency & discipline is not always kind

It's been a painful uphill battle of trying to regain my confidence, find reason to take on each new day and feel comfortable in my own body + mind. But I'm starting to see the light -- some hope, if you may.

This comes after a year of reading books, listening to talks, attending classes, watching shows, meeting practitioners, journaling and so much more. All to try to figure out the point in life. It's mostly been a task to convince myself that life is worthy, and that I'm worthy of life.

I could write endlessly about the past year (and I probably will, try and stop me), but what I feel need to be said today is that the traits of being consistent and disciplined aren't always the answer.

I'm a sucker for self-help tips and listicles, you know the ones that give you a succinct blow-by-blow of what you need to start doing to be happier. Pure sucker for that shit and proud of it. Many of these listicles are repetitive by nature because how many ways can you describe how to peel an apple, right? The one advice I felt I haven't connected with in a long while is that in order to see results, we need to be disciplined and regular because we are creatures of habit, it's necessary to keep on keeping on, regularity makes the task easier, etc.

All that's good advice perhaps for most people, but for those who struggle to keep the pace -- I just want to make it known that you're not alone and you're not a hopeless excuse for the space you take up. There are seasons in life when you're a raging machine and discipline for everything courses through your pores. I've been that person. I've also been that person where that very same disciple just doesn't stick no matter what you try. And that is normal. You've given it a few tries, you failed and beat yourself up for not being a disciplined bone bag yet again.

In my case, the thing that is truly has not stuck with my for the past year is regular exercise. I used to be a daily yoga girl. Sometimes even twice a day. For the life of me, I can't conjure it back into consistent existence. Then I allowed myself to realise that I'm a different person every single day. Some days, my body feels the need to move. So I move. Be it a ridiculous dance, basic stretching, just jumping up and down and shaking - whatever works at that time and place is what I'll take. Some days, I need to write pages and pages in my journal. So I do it. Some days, I need to stuff my face endlessly. So I do it. Some days, I need to doom scroll. Ah who am I kidding, that one I have the disciple to do any day.

Sometimes, kindness lies in not following the blow-by-blow of other people's advice. It's the same principle behind "don't knock it till you've tried it". You've tried it, likely multiple times, but there's no grip. And it's hard to say you have no discipline just because of that one thing you can't seem to push yourself to achieve every single day. How about focusing on the things that you are disciplined about -- maybe it's that you feed your pets the very moment you wake up every day? Or that non-negotiable thing you have about all the dishes being done before bed every day? Or that taking a shower is a consistent thing you cannot shake? Tweak the narrative in your head just a touch. Be kind to yourself whenever you can.