The Failing Kind

It's 2023 and I find it appropriate that I'm vomiting this 2 days after what's known as World Mental Health Day. I didn't bother looking up this year's theme or focus because who has the space for that. But I'm guessing what I'd like to write about is not too far from general mental health discussions. I'd like to talk about failure.

I applaud people's wins and achievements as loudly as the next person. Ok I lie, I'd probably cheer louder than anyone in the room. Here's the conflict: can we applaud, accept and admit failure the same -- because damnit, it's hard to fail too. You work super hard, put in all your effort but end up failing. Can you still flash a genuinely happy and fulfilled smile? I know I can because I did.

I recently tried my hand at learning something new. This one's a little out of the ordinary because I opted to take a 3-day course outside Singapore. Freediving is all the chatter in my monkey mind (I dramatically blame an early mid-life crisis for this fascination), so I thought heck I'll give it a go. I'll make space to drop the juice dets in a later post, but long story short, I failed the course terribly. Yet I was elated because I tried hard and gave it my best shot. To be completely frank, I was genuinely happy midway through my confirmwillfail course. It was unusual but pure liberation.

This cued the start of my cascade of unashamed admissions of failure. It's as if I've waited forever to be able to flat out say (with full confidence), "I failed". After said failed course, I started taking a realistic look at my daily life. Hot damn, my list of daily failures is impossible for any PR spin. I fail multiple times on the damn daily. Take today for example: I failed at staying awake during what was meant to be 'meditation time', failed at having a healthy breakfast (fully sweetened tea and a deep fried samosa isn't healthy right, just checking?) & failed to shave my woolly mammoth legs. Those are the failures as of 3:45pm, just you wait -- the day is young! It's not intentional, if that's what that little voice in your head is saying. It's real. And I like it. This is an interesting place and time where I'm both confident and scared enough to embrace my daily failures. Can I take that as a win? 😜

*PS: Wrote the crux of this post in my handphone notes on 12 October 2023, edited for clarity and published today

That Kind Barista

Been falling off the wagon with trying to limit my spending at coffee houses. A little compulsive with the lattes recently.

Nice baristas lessen the guilt a bit. Just a nice amount of eye contact and sing-song way of letting you know when your drink's ready can make an impact on the rest of your day. Being nice back really helps too.

My kind of way to start the day.

My Kind of Hairdresser

Short post.

Hairdressers who understand your hair, give you hair washes and scalp scratches/massages that make you excited for the next visit, and offer great company & conversation. A hairdresser that ticks all these boxes -- that hairdresser's one in a million. I speak from a place of deep passion on this as I have Indian-thick hair and curls (say: frizz?) and I truly appreciate if I hear a hairdresser compliment my volume vs map out a plan to eradicate all thickness and curls visible to the naked eye.

I found that hairdresser of mine many years ago, let's say 8 years ago. I've followed her through many of her workplace and company changes. You just can't let go of them!

Once she found out, through endless conversations about our pets, that I volunteered at a shelter -- that was it. Every single time she saw me walk through her store, she'd hand me a donation to send to the charity I volunteer at. Even at a time when she was really low on cash, morale and general motivation, she donated.

I like thinking about her because she's such a character. We diss each other (she says I'm dying soon as my hairfall has been just ridiculous), we care deeply for each other (she gives me advice and holds the scissors to my head threatening to use it as a weapon if I didn't lower my stress levels) and we always have a ball.

Anyone can choose to be kind, whatever your profession. What are your kind of people? My kind of people. Full stop.